Confessions

“Risk confessing,” said our professor Dr. Mark Quanstrom last week to the pastoral care and counseling class. Ha! Easy to say, but much harder to do when you’ve been in some Wesleyan holiness tradition church for your whole life and you’re “of an age” like mine. When I was growing up, no one wanted to be accused of “backsliding,” so no one wanted to confess to anything. Instead, all of us kept our mouths shut and tried to act like we had the whole Christian life under control. If I remember myself correctly, I had quite the temper in those days, often raging at some person (usually a teacher who had “unfairly” given me a grade lower than what I thought I deserved). Did that rage need confessing? Oh, I think I can admit it did.

And through the years, I have many things that I could confess to, most of which I have “confessed” to a counselor or, on occasion, a trusted friend, but rarely have I confessed to a group of fellow believers—it was just too risky. What would they think of me? I wasn’t the stellar person they thought I was. No, I wasn’t stellar; I was a quite ordinary Christian, saved only by the grace of God and not because of any good works that I had done and certainly not because I had achieved some measure of holiness through my own actions.

A list, then, of things I should confess all the time: I am selfish, I am critical, I pre-judge people, I don’t love as I ought, I fail to do the good I should and do other things that are definitely not worthy of a follower of Christ (sins of omission and commission), I am in love with my own opinions to the exclusion of seeing the good in others’ opinions, I waste lots of time (Wesley would have hated that!), I covet such things as expensive cars and pretty items of clothing, I tell white lies to smooth over situations, I am too often grumpy—oh, and a myriad of other things that I’m not confessing here.

I doubt my list is much different from many others—when we want to “safely” confess our faults—but, rest assured, I know those things that I need to confess, and I am trying to confess them and to trust the Lord to make my life more Christlike as I open myself to God’s grace in my life daily.

Now, for another confession: I don’t like Psalm 45. It’s a warrior king poem. Perhaps it’s the idea of the praise of a king—it’s so effusive in its praise. Perhaps I should just admit that it is poetry, and, therefore, it is written in a fashion that is “flowery” and exaggerated—no king deserves such praises, even on his wedding day. I’m really put off by the princess bride who is bringing with her a passel of virgins. Too much patriarchy! Of course, I know, that I am supposed to acknowledge the other king who is the second subject here: Jesus Christ. You can look up commentators who will give you all the references you need to understand the poem in that light. I looked up one in The Enduring Word Commentary, and, sure enough, most of the commentary was on the second king, Christ, not the first king, who was the subject of the poem on his wedding day. Regardless of what others say, I still bristle every time I am called upon to read Psalm 45 as part of the daily readings.

And, yet, another confession: I have never liked the 23^rd Psalm. I think I have never liked it because I associate it with death and funerals. It so often is included on the memory card of the one who has passed. It has always seemed to me to be a passive poem where the little lamb is just supposed to stay put in those green pastures.

Now, after hearing my pastor Dr. Mark Quanstrom (yes, the same one who is the professor) preach from this little well-beloved (by most) and most familiar psalm on Sunday, I have to confess I see the psalm in a totally different light. I have no idea what translation he used or whether it was one of his own devising, but it changed my attitude completely. I can see that Psalm 23 is quite an active poem, and not one for the dead, but for the living.

I will not try to re-preach the sermon, but I do want to point out a few highlights that changed my mind:

1) The end of vs. 1 can be translated in positive terms: “I have everything that I need.” Oh, yes, I might not have all that I want, covetous as I may be, but I have everything I need to live this day—I have the breath of life which God grants me each day.

2) Vs. 2 is the part about the green pastures and still waters: according to Pastor Mark, that’s a sure sign that God wants me to be able to rest. I don’t need frenetic activity or frantic thoughts; I can just rest and allow my body to be renewed and restored.

3) Vs. 3 makes the comment that the “right paths” on which I am led are all about the Lord’s doing: it is “for his name’s sake” that he is leading me on those paths. He is always trustworthy and will never lead me astray on a wrong path. I just need to follow his lead in everything.

4) Vs. 4 doesn’t have to be translated “the valley of the shadow of death”; instead it can be translated “a valley dark as death.” I may have to walk through several dark valleys, but they don’t necessarily have to end in death. And because it is the Lord who has the “staff” and the “crook,” it is he who “protects” me as I actively walk through the dark valley.

5) Vs. 6 usually contains the words “goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life,” but the active translation says that God’s love and goodness will chase after me, always pursuing me, throughout my life. What a difference that one word can make: “chase” is such a strong verb, implying that the Lord will always be right there, ready to scoop me up and protect me—and he will never give up on me, whatever I confess!

Perhaps you were hoping I would confess some deep, dark secret, in these words I have written. Instead, I have confessed that I am never too old to learn a new, deep, meaningful thought from looking at the ages-old scripture. And it’s all that I need.

Works Consulted

Guzik, David. “Psalm 45: The Annointed King and His Bride.” The Enduring Word Commentary. https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/psalm-45/

“Psalm 23.” New English Bible translation, 1970.

“Psalm 45.” New English Bible translation, 1970.

Quanstrom, Mark. “Class Lecture, April 26, 2021.” CMIN/CHED 674-01. Olivet Nazarene University.

Quanstrom, Mark. “Sermon, ‘Psalm 23.’” College Church University Avenue, Bourbonnais, IL., April 25, 2021.